Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm bleeding and have questions
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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