is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
