so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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