if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
