Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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