I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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