I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
