Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
