As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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