Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
