I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
