I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
