I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
