The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
