You're completely useless in the revolution.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
