Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
