I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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