I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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