if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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