She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
