I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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