I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
