He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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