I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
