Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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