youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
