I got chris browned last night
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
