that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
