we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
