Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
