I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
