You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
bring money and cleavage
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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