Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
