jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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