If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
