I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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