I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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