You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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