If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
