theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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