I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
