She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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