worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
