It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
