Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
