And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Randomize
