he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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