i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
