dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
