Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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